Bogeys

It’s official. I am obsessed with bogeys. They are everywhere. And they need to be removed. Not my bogeys, I hasten to add: baby bogeys.

Bebe FF produces an insane number of big bogeys, that block his nose and he can’t breathe.  Most troubling – he can’t pick them.  They just sit there blocking his nasal passageways and dangling, temptingly, on the cusp of his nostril. Just a little bit, sticking out. It’s a shame because his little fingers would fit perfectly up that nostril, but he can’t do that because… Well, he’s a little baby and his hands are still scary foreign objects that wack him in the face from time to time. And they look like they are stuck on, Michelin man style.  Grabbing, yes, delicate picking, no.

So, what do I do? I’m his mother, I’m here to protect him and help him survive. He can’t breathe well with all those bogeys blocking his airways. I need to get them out! How do you get a little crunchy, gluey stone out of a tiny hole whilst the owner of the nostril is wiggling and screaming?? And if not wiggling and screaming, and the boy is in fact sleeping, is it worth the risk of waking him up just to get that bogey out? I’ve asked myself this MANY times over the past weeks.  The answer is usually no.

I’ve bought millions of devices (OK, two…) that claim to extract ze bogeys from ze nose. Zey do not. Zey are far too large to get close to the nostril, let alone suction out the little bogey monsters firmly affixed to the nasal passage. So I’ve resorted to my little finger nail. I’ve spent a disproportionate amount of time with my little finger up baby FF’s nose trying to scoop out the bogeys and release his airways.  It’s like one of those slightly creepy long finger nails people grow to strum the guitar. Well, mine is to get baby bogeys.

I only realised I was truly obsessed when I was at a social gathering with my NCT pals and rather than join in on the conversation, I was furtively burrowing in the little man’s nose, having spotted the mother of all bogeys. After much wriggling and poking I eventually got it and slowly extracted it. I cried out “Aha! got ya!” before I realised I was in public and then had to explain that I was delighted to have retrieved a massive bogey… Silence. I then made a point of walking over to the bin to dispose of said bogey, which in my mind was the size of a rock. Of course it wasn’t and I lost it en route, but no-one needs to know that.  Then I felt lost, post adrenalin rush, no more bogeys to scoop …what next?!

My bogey addiction is real.

Update: I tried the crazy tube sucky device (pictured – the “Baby Nose-Clear“) yesterday in a moment of desperation. First seen in action in France I found the concept both terrifying and disgusting. However, it turns out you don’t actually suck the bogey into your mouth, obviously… There’s a filter! And guess what – it worked! The bogey came down and momma grabbed it! Woohoo!  Available on Amazon and in Boots.  Bath water also helps.

Second update: Bébé FF’s nostrils have grown so much that this is no longer an issue! Took about 4 months…!!